Parent-Teen

Teen Tattoos

2010-12-14T09:50:00.001-07:00

The topic of “tattoos” is difficult for me. Maybe it’s age (but not like tattoos haven’t been around for a while), or maybe it’s just me, but I’m not a big fan of them. Of course the other thing that I’m not a fan of is anything sharp, and it just looks painful to me. So I lecture my teen on what certain tattoos can look like later in life, and I just have to say, “Save the money.”

But it seems that for many of her older friends who are in college, getting a tattoo seemed to be a rite of passage their freshman year. Let’s see, “Books or a tattoo?” “Money on the dining card or a tattoo…?” And I’ve had mom-friends sigh and say to me, “What do you do, they’re old enough and out on their own now.”

When my teen was a little girl she’d say, “Mom, that person has ink on them.” One of those cute memory book quotes. Who knew years later that she’d have ink on her body! Okay it wasn’t really ink, it was Crayola Washable Markers… and it was for a costume… and it washed right off.

I was all ready to give my, What This Could Lead To speech, when my teen said to me, “Mom, I just didn’t have any scrap paper to doodle on, so I drew on my arm.” Save the arm honey; here’s money for mom for a pad of paper!

The Nagging Years

2010-12-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

Remember the television program from the late ‘80s, The Wonder Years starring Fred Savage? It’s not like I was a big fan of the series, but I thought about it the other day when I became convinced that a teen’s junior year in high school could be named The Nagging Years.

At a time when you want to embrace and cherish your teen’s last two years of high school before they take off on their own and are no longer be under your watchful eye (and ear), you find you’re nagging all the time. Here’s recent litany at our house:

Did you, “…Sign up for this, register for this, volunteer here, talk to this person, apply here, finish this, thought about it…” and the list goes on.

It’s enough to drive your teenager away in two years. Maybe it’s a secret, diabolical plot to motivate your teen to leave the nest and move on.

But I’m changing the channel here. My newest plan of attack is to balance every day with “Did you…” with “Can I…” and “I love you…” questions and sentiments.

I don’t want to ever lose sight of these “wonder” moments with my teen. I want to be able to ask in a couple years, “Do you miss me” and let her know she’s still a star.

Apple Doctor

2010-11-29T05:18:00.003-07:00

Sad day. My teen’s MacBook Pro laptop went on the blink. Or more accurately, went on the black. Her screen went black and she wasn’t able to call up anything.

So we quickly headed to the MacLife Store (www.MacLifeBoise.com) and to their service depot. I know how I feel with any computer or server glitches, so she had my complete sympathy.

After several tests and scans, they determined that they should hold onto her laptop for a longer look and more tests. Looking beyond the potential $500 price tag (which was the estimate if it wasn’t still covered under warranty), I actually thought how nice it would be not tied to a computer for a few days.

But once I saw the deflated look on her face, I realized we had different opinions about our relationships with our computers. For her, it was her life and it’s been her life growing up. Photos, homework, correspondence, artwork, music, and more were all there at her fingertips. Now her life was precariously on hold and for a few days, in the hands of a stranger.

Two anxious days went by, and after some technical jargon and procedures that I’ll never understand, it was determined the laptop was now fine, just a quirky computer thing, that mercifully was covered under warranty. Happy day now.

Election 2010

2010-11-22T06:33:00.001-07:00

Now that the candidate’s political campaign signs are down, it‘s hard to believe we just had another general election.

Harder to believe is thinking when my teenager will be allowed to vote for the first time; the first time she’ll receive one of those cute flag-waving stickers and have someone at our neighborhood voting precinct say, “_____ has voted.”

And you know what; it’ll be here before she knows it. In fact she’ll be of-age by the next presidential election in 2012. So her dad and I have two more years to help her. Not on “who” and “what” to vote for, but instead, to be a constant reminder as to why it’s important to take part in democracy, be engaged by being knowledgeable about the issues and the candidates, and to never miss a chance to cast your ballot. www.idahovotes.gov.

Scary Halloween

2010-11-15T05:54:00.000-07:00

While I was putting away the Halloween decorations (that were late to go up anyway!), it seemed like it had been a depressing Halloween at our house. This was the first official Halloween that our teen did not dress up on Halloween.

Equally depressing (I proposed they went hand-in-hand), was the amount of Halloween decorations that I put up—or the lack thereof—on time or late! The costume:decorations ratio was pretty much even.

She actually did get dressed up for a party, but that fell on Saturday, the 2010 very odd, day-before-the-actual-day of Halloween. So while adorable little trick or treaters came to our non-decorated door for candy, she was doing chemistry!

Someone suggested that I have my now-too-old-to-trick-or-treat teen put up the Halloween decorations. That’s a great idea—especially since I have a bowl of candy leftover to offer as a bribe. I don’t want the candy to be around too long, but it might be good to keep for even future bribery. Think about it—how many days left until the Christmas decorations need to go up…?

Teen’s First Job

2010-09-22T06:00:00.001-06:00

I bet your teen’s first introduction to having a job wasn’t unlike so many other teens: babysitting, mowing lawns, watching a neighbor’s pet, etc. And usually as a parent, you still had some involvement with their first jobs whether it was gentle reminders, looking over their work, and the unthinkable, stepping in to help if their homework or sports schedule conflicted. It can’t happen though with their first job “away” from home.

When our teenager came home announcing that she got a part-time job, I felt a little panicky. Had we as her parents done a good job on preparing her for her first “real” job? It’s real easy to ask, request, then gently nag to get something down around the house (I mean how fun are chores around home), but in the real world, working for someone else, not cool. In fact we relayed to her the importance of being eager, showing initiative, and working hard. It’s different working under someone’s watchful eye.

She came home almost giddy after her first day. “Do you know how hard it is to clean windows mom?” Hmm, maybe I did need to work a little harder at my job…

Where’s the Video Camera?

2010-09-14T21:30:00.001-06:00

“Where’s the video camera,” was something we were always saying when our now teenager was doing something very cute and I’m sure very advanced for her toddler years. Or better yet, “Can’t believe we forgot to charge the camera” as we missed that one memorable moment that we feared would be lost forever. Recently we brought the video camera out again—this time to pay someone to video our teen.

Before you get any ideas, the videotaping was for our daughter’s, I guess you could say, resume. She’s hoping to compete at the collegiate level in golf and a swing video is just one part of the resume package, stats, and letters which she’ll be sending out.

Kind of funny—we missed some memorable moments (although my 35mm camera was an integral part of her childhood) on video, but we helped plan every moment of this video. We were eager to show others how cute we think she is and how well she plays—we’ll see if she’s advanced enough to catch a coach’s eye.

I haven’t missed any memorable moments of her golf. I’ve got a big plastic tub full of photos, scorecards, and related memorabilia, a full resume to look back on.

Bonding over Nail Polish

2010-09-08T09:29:00.001-06:00

Every parent-teen relationship has its own version of “bonding.” In fact, some would say that it’s crucial to find something to do, engage in together, or talk about, to stay involved in your teenager’s life (and the more the better!). Just think of it as a grown-up play date, and as a teen, they can even help plan the activity or outing. Or as in our case, nail polish.

I might have mentioned it before, but that’s our shared passion and mother-teen activity, painting our nails. It’s great on so many levels: the selection process (reading the polish’s names aloud in the store can provide fun times), you’re together at home in the comfort of your own living room doing the actual painting (in front of a teen’s movie request scores extra points), and the ooh-aah factor when others compliment your nails and you say, “I painted them with my teenage daughter.”

This past summer we used our shared activity as a kind of “psych up” for her tournaments and chose colors like: All Fired Up, Ivy League, Blue Me Away, One Voice, A Good Man-darin is Hard to Find, and more. Is that fun or what?! And you’ll just have to see our nails to match the names with the colors.

First Day of School

2010-08-31T05:29:00.000-06:00

Wow, I’m visibly bumming. Summer is officially over and the new school year is ready to begin. I’m not ready for it, although my teen is ready. In fact she’s so ready that she doesn’t really need me to help her get ready.

All those years of back-to-school clothes shopping, getting our school supply list and sorting supplies from the year prior with what we needed to add, cute new haircuts, practicing our walking route to the school, those days are gone. Back-to-school with a teenager, well, isn’t as much fun. Basically they’re doing all the same things but at a different pace. They’re shopping with their girlfriends. “Supplies, I’ll wait until I see my teacher wants us to get.” And haircuts are more about hair color possibilities, and getting all the necessary information filed for a parking permit.

But then my teen approached me about her new binder that still had “sticky” stuff on it from the label. “Could I get that off?”

“Of course I can,” and I proceeded to reveal the many attributes of rubbing alcohol and the gummy residue disappeared. But not me, I was still needed after all.

Digital Photo Groups

2010-08-05T09:07:00.000-06:00

There are many things I’ve learned from my teenage daughter. In fact, it’s safe to say that I learn something every day from her. And while you may not see this as monumental, this is tops on my list: being able to take a group self-portrait photo with a digital camera.

Sounds easy I know, but there’s a real art and finesse to holding a camera at arm’s length, smiling, and catching yourself somewhere in the frame. It’s real guesswork on the correct angle and extension while still getting the group in the viewfinder (yes, I no longer press the back of the digital camera to my face when taking a photo of someone else—I know that much!).

I have plenty of self-photos that I’ve tried and I’ve gotten all arms, the lower half of my body, my legs only, etc. Seems so easy—she and her girlfriends take self-group photos all the time.

“What’s your secret” I ask her.

“Mom, just delete it if the photo is off.”

“Delete a photo, how do I do that?” And the lessons continue for this mom.

Request for Your Teen

2010-07-29T13:39:00.001-06:00

Okay, what’s your limit—how far can you push the, “Wouldn’t you want to do this with your parents” request? For some parents it’s as basic as having dinner together (there’s all kinds of national studies on why dinner together as a family is so important).

For others, it might be chores or yard work (yes, that has for many become a request, to ask for help), to hanging out together at home on a weekend night, or running errands together with you, etc. Simple requests really.

But we recently pushed the limits and asked our teen if she wanted to go to two country music concerts at the Idaho Center (www.idahocenter.com ) with us. Happily she said yes—excited to join us.

I know what you’re thinking. Sugarland and Carrie Underwood are pretty tame concerts. But we were all on our feet singing, dancing, and clapping our hands. It had the potential for maximum embarrassment, but I think her parents did okay and we weren’t too outrageous.

Maybe she also figured out that by going with your parents, it saved her money since they were willing to buy the tickets—and on a school night too!

Golf’s Life Lessons

2010-07-23T07:00:00.001-06:00

I could write about athletics and sports all the time. I enjoy sports and I love being a participant (when my aging body allows). And if the television is on at our house, it’s generally on for college sports or the Golf Channel (www.golfchannel.com). Our sporting family is also a golfing family and our teenage daughter is a golfer on her high school golf team and as an individual with outside tournaments (www.theiga.org).

I’m here to tell you that golf is one hard sport. When you consider being outside for 4-6 hours with an 18-hole round, walking and carrying a heavy bag, focusing on a shot where any “off” angle, flex, speed, or course condition can affect your game, it’s a wonder teens stick with this sport.

And there’s the “rules” part, lots of rules; there’s scoring, yours and another golfer’s, etiquette on the course and more.

Our family is in the midst of the summer golf season with our teen and I tip my golf hat to her and all her friends and competitors who play the game. Abiding by the rules, honesty, respect, etiquette, hmmm, maybe golf is a sport that everyone should take up? And maybe if you’re lucky, it’s a sport you can share, even with your teen.

Outstanding!

2010-07-16T06:30:00.001-06:00

In June I dropped our teenage daughter off at the College of Idaho for the 2010 Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership (www.hoby.org) weekend seminar, joining 74 other rising high school Idaho juniors. And I joined the ranks of other HOBY-parents probably thinking, “I’ll be doing this again in two years!” but enough of that talk right now.

Since cellphone usage was discouraged (I liked this seminar!), we had no idea what her weekend entailed nor how it was going.

“OUTSTANDING!” was one of the cheers and responses that we heard at the farewell reception that we attended with the “graduates.” Service work, team- building, breaking down barriers, group ideas/projects, and more had been their two-day schedule. It was so invigorating and energizing, and we found ourselves cheering days after she returned home.

So beside her new HOBY friends and experiences, she also brought home a command: complete 100 hours of service work and volunteerism over the coming year. Wow—think of the multiplying factor, 74 teens, 100 hours, others following their lead throughout the year….

It’ll be exciting to watch these future leaders over the years. No, it’ll actually be OUTSTANDING!

The 2-Year Plan

2010-06-30T05:59:00.000-06:00

I’m on a 2-year plan. Two years that is until my teenage daughter graduates from high school. So to prepare myself for this pending high school exodus and my mental state, the two of us (and a friend), attended her high school’s 2010 graduation ceremony.

We actually attended because we seemed to know many in this year’s senior class. We wanted to hear our friend give his farewell speech to his fellow classmates, listen to the high school choir sing, and cheer extra loudly for the seniors we knew (why weren’t those World Cup Soccer vuvuzelas available then for us to use?).

But it was kind of a bittersweet moment—maybe that comes with age—juggling the memories of some of these kids growing up with the anticipation of what lies ahead of them. It’s not only where did those four years of high school go, but where did ALL those years go?!

I did discover that I have one item correct in my plan: I have proven that if I begin to stockpile boxes of tissue now, two years should be plenty of time to prepare for the 2012 graduation ceremony.

My Shopping Teen

2010-05-24T12:31:00.001-06:00

When my teen was a toddler, my shopping mother-in-law took a photograph of her in her umbrella stroller outside the Boise Towne Square Mall (www.boisetownesquare.com ). “Who knows when she’ll ever be back?” Inside joke she and I share because she knows I’m not a big shopper, never really have been.

Fast forward about 14 years and my teen and I went to the Mall to get some shopping done (okay we have been there over the years). She was looking for some particular items—always the kiss of death in my mind—shopping for something specific.

It was like the perfect storm—too many specials and sales that we had to do the math over. How could they already be out of certain sizes at the start of the season, dressing rooms full, not really feeling the love over what we did find….

After a couple successful purchases, she voluntarily hung the rest up and said she was done—didn’t want to wait, didn’t want to look anymore, didn’t want to make anymore decisions. “I’m done shopping. Mom, you’ve taught me well.”

I guess everyone has their own version of a “Kodak® Moment” and this was mine. I put my arm across her shoulders as we walked out into the sunset and said, “How about we head to Starbucks now—my treat.”

HS Group Projects

2010-05-17T22:55:00.001-06:00

If I hear the term “Group Project” one more time, I think I’m going to have to shake my teen’s teachers! I’m all for projects and working together. I get the whole “team” concept. It helps them to organize their workflow, how to work within the group dynamics, how to delegate, compromise, a little strength in numbers deal with the members’ various talents etc.

But the concept of arranging 3-5 teenagers’ schedules to create and FINISH a class project can result in a parental-group protest, maybe even a revolt! There should be a class, Group Project Planning 101. Some projects I’ve wondered where more time was spent: scheduling and coordinating or on the actual project itself.

Evidently it’s not a problem for them since the advent of the cell phone, texting, and Facebook communication. I guess I need to put down my protest sign and look at the bigger picture here, the additional lessons: communication, diplomacy, delegating, creativity, and last but not least, the ability to bounce back the morning after some really late nights with your teen, working on a group project!

College Fairs

2010-05-10T05:56:00.000-06:00

It’s starting—the growing stack of college letters, catalogs, and brochures on our teen’s bookshelf. I know that many universities are going “green” and trying to send out less, but we still have a growing pile at our house.

But there’s nothing more overwhelming than a College Fair (www. boiseschools.org). These Fairs are great, but after a couple workshops and stopping to talk to the many college recruiters, I know I was exhausted. Really, I had no idea there were so many schools—so many choices.

We tried to explain to our teen, “Back in the dark ages we never had the opportunity to ‘see’ all these schools.” Complementing the schools who attend your area’s College Fair are the virtual tours and videos on almost every college website. The choices seem endless…

Overwhelming as they might seem, the one thing College Fairs can do (so don’t hesitate to go early during their high school years) is provide a little extra incentive, a little boost to help motivate your teen during high school. “Work hard during high school, and then you’ll have lots of choices!”

And wait until you hit their college bookstore…

Teen Fitness

2010-05-03T05:22:00.001-06:00

As a parent, don’t you feel like there’s nothing you can’t teach your child (okay, maybe until she gets to a higher level math course as a teen…)?

Thought that too, especially when it came to sports and fitness. I figured with my background and training I’d (and my husband too), would be able to pass along all our experience, workout and fitness knowledge etc. to our teenage daughter.

But somewhere along the way that changed, and a golf specific fitness training program became available and she was eager to enroll—we were out of a job.

She committed to two evenings per week for a couple months by herself, with golfers from several area high schools. After watching a couple sessions, I realized their golf-specific training program definitely surpassed what I thought I could teach her (www.goldsgymidaho.com, the Parisi Speedschool).

I have all sorts of opinions on specialty training for youth, kids focusing so early on one sport, etc. But months after her training program, the results are proving that a little bit of specialization can pay off, plus she’s having fun seeing her fitness friends out on the golf courses at various tournaments.

So what’s my new specialized fitness plan—walking 18 holes!

All Day High School

2010-04-12T06:53:00.001-06:00

I know a handful of high school seniors, friends of my daughter and my friends’ teenage kids. Seems most of them have early release their senior year—they get out almost two hours earlier than the rest of the students.

Nothing wrong with that I suppose. If your credits are in and you’re done, you have plans set for post-high school; you have a part-time job, etc. I think it’s a great opportunity for students (www.sde.idaho.gov).

I think back in the dark ages when I was a senior, some of my friends and classmates did that too, got out early. Me, I was a full-day kind of student with volleyball practice afterschool, track, yearbook, etc. I liked school and being there.

And now that I’m older, I want to sometimes ask “Why?” I mean once you leave high school for the day, do you have the same commitment to be involved? Will you remember to wake up from a nap to return to practice? Electives are free in high school, but credits cost money down the road in college, etc.

I know high school isn’t always the best of times, a lot of drama, a lot of growth and questioning of the status quo, asking “Why?” to everything and everybody. Maybe that plays into wanting to leave early too?

So it’s a good option for some students. Heck, there are days now I wish I could get early release from work and from other demands in life.

Color Me Teen

2010-04-05T06:28:00.000-06:00

I’m not sure I get it—teenage girls’ obsession with coloring their hair, highlights, and other various (sometimes expensive) hair treatments.

And for some reason, I’ve really resisted the temptation to say, “Yes” to my teenager’s request to color her hair, “But everyone’s doing it mom…!”

Then the eloquent parental reply, “Well, we’re not everyone,” one of those brilliant parent responses that we learned during the early years of parenthood.

I realized after months and months of urging, that maybe I needed to pick my battles. But it’s every parents’ fear with every decision that we make, “What could this lead to next?”

With a couple borderline grades and report cards looming, and an experienced girlfriend on board to help me, my husband and I acquiesced, but: no streaks, no fluorescent colors, no this, no that, all which was fine with her—she just wanted a darker, richer shade.

Was it bribery on our part? Not sure, but it certainly worked for the report card. The incentive helped (just like with the dress-up box prize from the long ago potty-training days).

So what did this ebony-mocha, www.clairol.com decision lead to next—a happy teen with a little bounce to her step the next day at school. Hmmm, maybe I should reconsider my grey hairs…

Gotta’ Have Mom!

2010-03-29T13:13:00.001-06:00

This doesn’t happen often but all of a sudden, I’m a fashion diva—with the help of my teenage daughter.

On a recent shoe-shopping excursion, I found myself teetering on 3+ inch heels, and comparing styles with my teenager. I was also hearing the U.N. negotiation-style persuasion speech on how we wear the same shoe size and how we could share shoes now too—how handy.

“Ten years ago, maybe” I exclaimed. Let’s face it, age, tired running-knees, and years of casual attire, I just couldn’t see myself in these Grecian-goddess style sandals (although I liked the Grecian goddess idea).

“Sure you can Mom, just try.”

So I did. And much to my surprise they were comfortable and I didn’t feel like I’d fall over or wipe out as I walked around through the shoe aisles (www.target.com).

And you know what, since then, every time I’ve worn those shoes, I receive ooh and aahs and compliments from other women. “I owe it all to my teenage daughter,” I tell them.

Glad I agreed with her and bought the hip, stylish sandals. Because isn’t it every mother’s nightmare that her teenager will nominate her for an episode of “What Not to Wear” (www.tlc.discovery.com)

Have you met my teen?

2010-03-23T11:56:00.003-06:00

It was weird. Somewhere in between lecturing my teenager about “boys” and telling her how as her mom, I’d be happy to follow her to college and be her RA, I found myself angling to introduce a strange boy to my daughter. What was I thinking?!

Our family was at a wedding recently (friends of the bride), where we met the groom and his family for the first time. We approved—he seemed like a great guy and that the new couple was a perfect match. As a parent I couldn’t help but take note of the groom: ambitious, hard-working, smart, active, loved his family, fun, etc. I was impressed. Then I realized the guy in the cummerbund on the dance floor was actually the groom’s younger brother—there were more—and he was in high school!

All of a sudden, the lecturer became the matchmaker, and the bride totally supported my mid-reception aha moment. Before I could say to my daughter, “What do you think…?” the bride had already maneuvered him over to meet my daughter and was already conspiring how cute they’d be together.

Well, it was cute, and it was fun that evening; just a chance meeting between two nice teenage kids which is really all I want right now. I’m just at the “taking note” stage and would rather be a RA.

Teen's Green Lunch Bag

2010-03-02T05:44:00.001-07:00

It was a sad day for my teen’s lunch bunch crowd during high school lunchtime the other day. Her longtime clear plastic, drawstring lunch bag finally gave out—the seams ripped and the gaping hole couldn’t be repaired. After years of service and literally hundreds of lunches, her efforts to have a “green” lunch bag (green because we recycled it daily vs. paper sacks that just got thrown away), were sadly over.

This bag was special. No question what there was to eat that day, quick twirl and you could see through the clear bag and quickly identify the hallway lunch du jour. Plastic, so when that water bottle cap (a plastic water bottle which we washed out) wasn’t securely fastened, plastic saved the day (and the homework in the back pack). Drawstring, held everything together inside, even while she was bumped or jostled while heading to lunch through the crowded hallways.

Heavy sigh. Not to mention I cringed every day when I had to scour my pantry and cupboard drawers for a daily replacement. It was a “green” trend that I thought and hoped might catch on within her lunch group and even throughout the high school. Being “green” in high school should equate to being cool, even if it starts with just a lunch bag.

But we scored on a shopping trip to Cost Plus World Market (www.worldmarket.com). We found a $5.00 canvas handled bag, Velcro® closure, with an exterior slit pocket. It’s cool. And she’s already doodled and added artistic touches to the bag with a Sharpie® -- just like you’d do to a brown paper lunch bag.

Cat-loving Teen

2010-02-22T06:06:00.002-07:00

Teens are really a caring group and generation. I’m constantly amazed when I read about their involvement and leadership through service projects within our own community and even globally.

But a kitten?! Do we have to be a do-gooder through the rescuing of animals initiative? Can’t we help in some other capacity? Don’t get me wrong—we’re a “cat” family and love cats. Next to dogs, they’re on the top of the scratching post as our favorite pet.

Our teenager and her friends were walking home from high school not too long ago, when they came upon some rustling noises and movement within the neighbor’s front yard bushes. Lo and behold, out walks a kitten, a meowing kitten. The meows translated I’m sure to, “I’m cute, take me home to your cat-loving family.” And she replied by scooping it up and bringing him home.

Wouldn’t be such a big deal except for the fact that that house is empty and has been for a time. So who knows when or how the kitten was abandoned. But kind of a big deal since we already have two cats at home and one German Shepherd. And it gets to be a bigger deal because we knew that local animal shelters were above capacity due to tough economic times for families.

I’m thankful she’s caring. She jumped in and got blankets, food, water, and quickly made the pet introductions. It didn’t take too long and we were thankful for this new addition. And her mom is now that crazy old lady with a teen in the house and cats everywhere. (Care about cats? Check www.treasurevalleyfamily.com/Familydonation for the Idaho Humane Society’s Wish List.)

Late-Night Projects

2010-02-15T07:40:00.000-07:00

One night my teen asked me for some help with a project. I was more than happy to volunteer my services. In our house we have homework help divided into two camps: my husband handles Algebra 2, German, and AP Biology, and I handle creative writing, English, and history.

But as the clock ticked closer to 10pm, I knew this might be a late-night-project-night.

Once she was done with her work, she began copying and I readied the 3-hole punch for the binder. In my mind I was running through my “Organizational 101” lecture, to be followed up by my “Procrastination” speech once we were done.

But before I could open my mouth, I read the dedication page, “To my mom who encourages me to always write.”

I closed my mouth, pushed down on the 3-hole punch, and filled the binder with pages of her writings, poems, essays, and novellas. Who am I to criticize a budding writer, late night creativity, and being a wordsmith who spends time pouring over each word, image, and sentence?

Yep, she learned from the best, from me. I hate to admit to her what time of day (or night) that I usually do my best writing, and reading, and editing…. We’re both dedicated to our writing and to each other. It’s a shared gene I think, but that sounds like AP Biology so she’ll have to ask her dad about that one.

The New "Teen" Doll

2010-02-04T05:25:00.001-07:00

When our daughter was little and we moved to our new and current home, we thought we were really clever and got a trundle bed for her room. Well, we were (are?) clever parents, and that trundle bed worked great for sleepovers, family visiting us etc. But now it seems to be a source of headache when it comes to making the bed. Seems the two just are not compatible for our teen. We hadn’t considered this factor 12 years ago. And I’ll give it to her, it’s decidedly a little more work, a little more “ump” when hoisting the mattress etc., especially when our 17-lb. cat decides that’s the opportune time to bond and jumps on top of the bed. I let it go now—a growth moment for mom—looking beyond the bedroom chaos and mess. But occasionally, when I feel the compulsive need to pick up some clothing, pick up a couple power cords, chargers, and ear buds, I’ll go ahead and make her bed. Once after Christmas and wading through her room I asked her, “What is this black stuffed ‘thing’?” “Mom, that’s a doll, it’s an Ugly Doll” (www.uglydolls.com). Are you kidding me? This simple cut out, stitched markings, and black flannel pillow-like figure is a doll? I’ve read in the past about the ways Mattel Inc.’s Barbie® has disenfranchised so many young girls, the expense of American Girl Dolls®, moms who refused to buy a doll named Bratz®, and so on. So I was kind of scratching my head over this one. “Mom, they’re so great. I’d love to collect more!” Thus proving there’s always more to learn as a parent of a teen. Right after we learn how to quickly change the sheets on a trundle bed, find a path through the bedroom, discover the use of a hanger…..

American Girl Dolls Grow Up

2010-01-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

We finally repainted my teen’s bedroom, taking the room from its brightly-painted electric corral and Shrek©-like lime green, to a more mature and subdued taupe paint, accented with European- travel art and posters. It really was a growth moment for all of us. Part of any painting project involves a little introspective—out with the old and in with the new—especially with your kid’s room. For us, it centered on an entire bookshelf devoted to her collection of American Girl Dolls and their related historical period books (www.americangirl.com). Let’s face it, that wall represented year’s worth of play and reading material and potentially the cost of her college textbooks for her freshman year! No regrets on my part though. Having been “AG” fans since their early days with The Pleasant Company, trips to the Mecca—the flagship store in Chicago, to countless hours of stitching pieces of fabric together to make additional outfits, props, and taking the dolls on vacations with us (Felicity® returned home to Williamsburg with us), they were worth every penny. So we carefully separated accessories from clothing, redressed all the dolls, and carefully placed them in plastic bins for the time being. Not sure who it was more agonizing for, me or for my teen. Okay, probably me because it was just one more reminder that someone’s little girl was indeed growing up. But we compromised. Since her redecorated bedroom has a travel theme, we kept out a few of the girls dressed in their traveling garb: Samantha® in her duster, Felicity® in her riding outfit, and Molly® in her Amelia Earhart costume. The American Girl Dolls were originally created as historical characters. I’m happy they’re not “history” in my daughter’s life.

Me, my teen, Julie & Julia

2010-01-15T06:23:00.004-07:00

I appreciate the few readers who asked what happened to my blog lately. I don’t know, end-of-year “stuff,” holidays, work, and being a parent-of-a-teen. The latter one honestly, being the easier one for me because I actually love these parent-teen years. So I guess it’s just me and me falling behind.

But I was recently inspired by the movie Julie & Julia (www.julieandjulia.com). I think my daughter might enjoy it too if for no other reason than she’ll see the difference in what my “making dinner” means and what their “making dinner” means. And that Julia Child would probably frown on our family’s “French” cooking: French fries, French toast, French dip, quiche in a prepared pie crust, a loaf of French bread grabbed at the grocery store register, and so on. You get the picture. Then there’s Julie and her blogging. I hadn’t read Julie Powell’s book, “Julie & Julia,” I barely have time to read much these days. But I enjoyed the creative idea of documenting something important in your life and letting others know about it. Kind of like those New Year’s resolutions about losing weight, exercising more, getting organized, etc. The more you tell others about your plan, the more you need to step up to the plate and follow-through. So here’s to cooking more (one of my resolutions!), to getting things done (and done on time), and to parent-teen. The latter one is still my favorite topic to talk and write about

A Teen's Alarm

2009-11-23T05:48:00.001-07:00

We had a rough morning the other day.

See, we actually have our music lessons in the morning, BEFORE school. It’s a great concept and I’m sure arts-advocates would agree. No better way to start your day than with music.

I would have probably been a real advocate of the idea if I was younger. But something about getting myself ready and out the door that early (it’s early,) becomes more difficult the older I get.

But not for my teen—she jumped on the idea of morning lessons. Frees up her afternoons, doesn’t interfere with afterschool sports, and she figures that she’s up anyway.

Knew one day this would happen though. I thought she set her alarm. I thought when I went in her room to wake her, that she actually got up. I thought when I bellowed for her down the hallway, “Ready?” that she would be.

Only when a slightly grumpy, disheveled teen wandered out in sweats did I realize I was wrong.

“Mom, did you wake me up?!” Ah, yes I did. But the usually cheerful piano student was not so convinced, as she dashed back to her bedroom to change.

We were out the door in seven minutes. So I’m convinced now we don’t need all that time in the bathroom getting ready before school. At the end of the day, I thought it was a good experience.

My National Geo Teen

2009-10-27T06:27:00.000-06:00

This past weekend, my girlfriend asked my daughter if she’d like to volunteer and help at the fall, annual Friends of Boise Library Book Sale (www.boisepubliclibrary.org). She mentioned that she could note it for volunteer and service work, but my teenager didn’t care. Are you kidding? A three-hour stint surrounded by tables and tables of books—she couldn’t wait to help.

That afternoon I ventured downtown to the library too. I didn’t want to infringe on her time as a teen volunteer, helping in the community, and enjoying the company of a great friend and role model for her, but I wanted to check out the book sale too; Sunday was half-price day!

While I was still there, my teen heard that the library was selling box sets of old National Geographic Magazines, six to a set in bound National Geographic magazine binders, half-price too. At her pleading I grabbed a few random sets and put them aside to buy (http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ if you forgot how wonderful this magazine truly is).

Okay, at some point while I was reading some book reviews, the sets multiplied… to 12 total sets. I needed a dolly to carry the stack out to the car. “But mom, I even found a set from the year I was born!”

My husband couldn’t believe it when we got home. “I thought we were trying to clean out rooms and avoid more clutter,” he said.

I know and I initially felt the same way too. But then I said to him, if our teenage daughter is pleading to buy old sets of National Geographic Magazines while volunteering at the library, and texting other friends about her miraculous find, that this type of clutter is okay in my book!

Painting a Teen's Bedroom

2009-10-09T05:34:00.001-06:00

Our house is in upheaval right now. My home office is filled with stacks of books, golf hats, piles of CDs and lots of other miscellaneous stuff. Our living room is more the same, but has bookshelves, dressers, and even more stacks and piles of things—we’re in the midst of painting our teenager’s room.

Painting is always a good exercise in “purging,” and we did a little of that too as we emptied her room to get ready to paint. Seemed like just yesterday we painted the alternating walls an electric lime green and passion melon (the room almost glowed when the lights were on), but it was nearly four years ago. And that paint job worked around an earlier paint job, a mural that included fairies, castles, and a little bit of pixie fairy dust (glitter, really). Four years ago, we weren’t ready to paint over a little girl’s mural.

I’m not sure I’m ready now either (she took many photos of the mural for me). As the mom of a teenager, I’m not sure what I’m ready for these days; everything is new, we’re always going over and through stuff, and lately, we’re marking everything by the “years.”

Why paint her room again (beside the obvious reasons to purge through stuff, get rid of some dust bunnies, and be thankful that our family isn’t allergic to dust)? Well, looking ahead we might just have three more years of her living at home. So we’ll repaint and she’ll enjoy. And no, I won’t be ready to empty her room in three years either.

Number of New Drivers

2009-09-24T14:16:00.000-06:00

Okay, this is the last time I harp on the subject of new, teenage drivers, permits, licenses, and the whole parent-teen ride along experience (or journey?). “Mother and child” are doing just fine (sounds like our update from the hospital maternity ward just 15 years ago). There I go again reminiscing, “… just….”

In our case actually, father and daughter are doing well since he’s been at the wheel or in the passenger seat with our teenage driver more than me at this point. After 15 years of co-parenting, hands-down decided that he’d be better-suited for this role, at least for the first month or so.

But allow me this last revelation about new drivers and teens getting their drivers license. My daughter’s high school class has probably over 450 students. That’s ONE sophomore class in ONE high school, in ONE Idaho school district which has nearly 10 comprehensive, alternative, and charter high schools—TEN sophomore or “driver-ready” classes combined.

So do the math—that’s a lot of potential new drivers out on the road right now. But I guess that also means our family is in good company, lots of parents driving with their teenagers and it happens every year with each rising sophomore class. She’s doing well, and the whole parent-teen ride along experience has been a good one.

While the two of them are out driving, I’m looking into patenting magnetic car signs that say, “Parent of a New Student Driver.” I did the math after I realized our passenger side doesn’t have an extra brake!

Driver's Permit

2009-09-12T15:06:00.001-06:00

Enough said, these two words, Driver’s Permit. I don’t get it. I feel like I’ve been a pretty rationale, positive, involved parent all these years while my little girl was growing up. But now we’ve hit that “driving” phase of her teenage years, and as my friend recently told me, “You really need to get over this.” Get over the fact that I’m not sure I’m ready for her to drive.

Frankly, the thought of her behind the wheel frightens me. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night thinking about it. I know; it’s crazy. She’s a great kid, a good student, responsible, seemed to do well in the driver’s education classes and with her drives during the class. So what’s the big deal mom? I don’t remember my parents stressing over me getting my driver’s license (although for the record, it was my older brother who had the patience to teach me how to drive a stick-shift).

I guess it’s just one more notch, one more level, just one more phase in the life of “parent-teen.” It’s another step toward our kid’s greater independence, and I guess I’m just not ready for it.

So as we move forward through this Driver’s Permit phase (I’m putting my husband, the former reserve sheriff in charge of the first parent-drives), we’ll continue to remind her that driving is a privilege, not a right. And I’m sure she’ll want to remind me that as much as I stomp, there is no extra brake on the passenger side.

Sophomore Year

2009-08-31T21:55:00.001-06:00

It’s 3:00pm when I start writing this blog and I’m vigorously tapping my nails on my desk (okay and on the computer keyboard). Today is the first day of the new school year for most students in our area, including my high school teen.

I’m nervously tapping because I haven’t heard from her all day! I mean, we just spent three months of summer together, me still fully involved with her busy schedule since she doesn’t have her license yet, and together we perfected the art of parent:teen communication via texting, constant. Then what happens, school starts up again, and I’m suddenly the third wheel, not her summer BFF anymore, the discarded parent of a teen—she’s left me.

But I tell myself, that’s not true. I should be thrilled as a mom. Remember, cell phone usage isn’t allowed in the schools; that she loves school and was ready to get back into the swing of high school; and that she has a great group of friends many of whom she didn’t see much over the summer.

Today was the start of her sophomore year which seemed a little anticlimactic after last year’s freshman year. Checked for pens, calendar, notebook, lunch, new outfit was fun, took the first day photos, and off she went! But it is a big year. The one thing I told her this morning before she left me was that “every year” is big, and that everything counts so to make the most of it and to do her best.

It’s 5:00pm now and I STILL haven’t heard from her yet. She had a scheduled drive with her Driver’s Ed instructor right after school. I hope she won’t discard me once she gets her license...

Teens and Grandparents

2009-08-21T06:56:00.000-06:00

“Patience is a virtue.” That’s what I keep telling myself and telling my teen—especially when it comes to her and her grandparents. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her grandparents, and she tries to keep in touch with them, updating them with what she’s doing etc.

Because both sets of grandparents live far away from our home, when they make plans to visit, we encourage them to stay for awhile! The first few days of each grandparent-visit are always great—packed with catching up, playing cards, lots of eating, and heading out for a variety of shared activities and outings together.

But after a few days, the eye-rolling begins to set in. The shoulders begin to shrug a little, and occasional long heavy sighs with a sometimes exasperated, “Mom...” can be heard.

I get it. Not long into the visit—on both sides—everyone’s own routines, hobbies, friends, and interests come into play.

“Be patient,” I respond.

Looking back (way back it seems now), I can remember feeling the same way when we visited our grandparents who lived far away and who we rarely saw growing up (didn’t just hop on the airplane back then like we do now I remind my teen).

There’d be the same occasional eye rolling and shrugs, and sometimes heavy sighs. And my mother would tell us to be patient, as her eyes sometimes rolled too.

Maybe it’s just a phase involving teens, parents, and their parents—no matter how much you love them and love to spend time with them. So I remind my teen to be patient and to remember, someday I’ll be older like grandma too!

College Vacations

2009-08-08T09:13:00.000-06:00

Vacation—now that’s a loose term when you have a teenager. Somehow, relaxing family vacations, roasting marshmallow around the camp fire have morphed into “What can we see that’s near this college that we’re visiting?”

But with college vacations, no worries about expensive entertainment passes or tickets, long lines, pricey souvenirs at the gift shop, high-price food at the park, etc. College vacation entertainment consists of college tours (free) at an assigned time with other anxious and interested teens and their parents (there’s rarely a crying baby in this crowd!).

You do have the obligatory trip to the college bookstore (can be expensive) but there’s usually moderately-priced food at the school cafeterias. Remember the days of Saltines®, Ramen Noodles® and soup? From what we’ve seen, today’s campus eateries far surpass anything we ate in.

Our family has had a blast on these new vacations. We leave these colleges energized and inspired. And we don’t fret these vacation expenses—the real costs come later with admission and enrollment time.

So where have your college vacations been to? Over the past couple years we’ve been to Idaho colleges, U. of GA, U. of Richmond, William & Mary, Rollins College, U. WA, ASU, AU, UCSD, and more. Suffice to say, our teen’s pre-college wardrobe is growing.

Quite often you can find our family huddled over the computer, checking out college websites and plotting our next college vacation while brushing away the Saltines® cracker crumbs. What can I say; we’re starving parents-of-a-future-college-student!

The HP Years

2009-07-25T07:49:00.003-06:00

I'm no hi-tech mom, but when someone says the name "HP" to me, I immediately think of Hewlett-Packard. Say the same thing to my teen and "HP" means Harry Potter. In her life and world, Harry Potter is better known as HP.

Recently we visited with family while on our trip in California. One day our teenage daughter and her cousin researched theaters with the hotel concierge and they had a list of local theaters and when the newly released 6th movie "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" would be showing. They determined because of our busy vacation schedule, they would hit a morning movie.

But on the much-anticipated morning of the movie, the two girls overslept.

"We'll never make it," grumbled my daughter to her cousin.

"Twenty minutes, plenty of time. We can make it" said her cousin.

And in 20 minutes, two teenage girls who normally spent long periods of time primping and getting ready in front of the mirror that week , were holding the door open and ready for their ride to the theater.

One movie left now, #7 (although two installments the girls informed me). Funny, HP has been a big part of her life growing up. I figured out that she'll be graduating from high school about the same time Harry and the gang will be leaving Hogwarts.

Who knew that HP would play such an important role and have such a big impact - both HPs!

At the Teen Table

2009-07-06T07:09:00.000-06:00

We all know those awkward moments—entering a room full of people and you don’t know a soul in the group. It can be a little awkward, not only for adults but for teens too.

I recently accompanied my teen to a dinner party, a gathering of people who we really didn’t know, hosted by a family who we had only met a couple times. Everyone there was so gracious and friendly; we immediately felt welcomed!

After introductions were made, I thought I was G2G (Good to Go), and that I was able to leave for the “adult table” outside on the deck, leaving my teenager alone with the other teens there. Not so.

She made that pleading eye contact with me that said, “Don’t leave me here alone mom!” And so I stayed and left the other adults/parents out at the adult table. All those years of wanting to grow up and leave the old card table for the big table, and here I was, back with the kids.

No offense to the adults, but I ended up having more fun at this table, surrounded by eight very funny, smart, witty teenagers. And they didn’t hold back on any of their stories and antics because an adult was at the table. I loved it.

And I guess my teenager was okay with me being there too—I never got the look from her that said, “Okay mom, you can go now.” We both left the party with a few new BFFs, and a potential awkward teen moment solved, together.

Fuzzy HS Math

2009-06-26T15:13:00.000-06:00

I so enjoyed going to my nephew’s high school graduation. While I was there, I had momentary flashbacks to my own high school graduation. They were brief ones though. It was just a few decades ago…

Amidst all the great music, choral songs, and speeches, I took a few notes. Yes, as always, never at a loss for pen and paper (or in this case, a commencement program would do).

Here’s what I was scribbling in my program, a few numbers, doing a little math. Math was always a little fuzzy for me and judging by these high school graduates, it just got worse! Here’s the math problem I was working on: about 150 graduates, 23 had a cumulative GPA of 4.0 or higher (est. 15%), the Salutatorian had a 4.37 and the Valedictorian a 4.42.

This isn’t a “PROBLEM” mind you, but a little fuzzy for me. The equation I was still trying to complete was the “HOW” factor. How do these teenagers do it?!

I get it to some degree (a little grad humor there), their academic success: AP Courses, Concurrent Enrollment, Honors, they take full class loads all four years, etc. But again, how do they do it?!

Things have changed since my own graduation. Watching these students receive their diplomas, I became a little dizzy noting all their accomplishments. I’m thinking math wasn’t fuzzy for any of these kids. Maybe instead of writing in my program and I should have asked for autographs!

Congrats to my nephew. He was the tall, blond kid, Eagle Scout and National Honor Society Member. Thanks for giving me the chance to “live” your high school days.

Graduation Time

2009-06-11T09:41:00.000-06:00

The older I get, the more high school graduations seem to be appearing on our calendar. Makes perfect sense I know. But all of a sudden, all those siblings of friends, neighbors, co-worker’s kids, nephews and nieces are all graduating it seems.

But I haven’t sat through an actual graduation ceremony (since my own, decades ago) until this weekend. I’m heading to LA for my nephew’s (my Godson) high school graduation.

I’ve been texting him and his sister recently (“Auntie Lizzie is coming!”), which then launched into my own teenager’s speech, “See mom, you’d never pick up the phone and call this much.” And as the short, quick texts, loaded with symbols and abbreviations, came back to me, I was a little sad. I was a little sad because I felt that I hadn’t done a better job over the years as a long-distance Auntie.

But all is not lost. I’m stepping up my game as he moves on and gets ready to leave for college. He’s turning his tassel and I’m turning over a new leaf. Whatever it takes: texting, cellphones, social media, and good old-fashioned care packages. I might be getting older, but I believe getting a funny, yummy, caring message is always good. Don’t worry guys; Auntie is coming through for you!

Countdown to Summer

2009-05-29T11:22:00.000-06:00

Around our house, we’re all tired. Tired of routine, tired of our schedule, tired from the school year and we’re ready for summer break. And that’s okay. I figure it’s kind of like training for a race or preparing for a recital: our daughter has worked hard, performed, gave it her all, and now she (parents too) are ready for a cool-down period from high school and the rigor of academic classes.

But this final stretch of the school year race is rough—even I’m gasping for air and I’m not finishing a video project, studying for mini exams that lead up to “the BIG one,” writing responses, making time for anything labeled “Extra Credit,” and more. Mind you, I’m there as the cheerleader with the moral support, offering a late-night snack or something to drink, and trying to nag oh so gingerly, “How’s it going babe?”

In the mornings when I say good-bye I add something cliché like, “Good luck today, give it your all!” Or my Freaky Friday movie favorite, “Make good choices,” or “You rock.” I have a list of assorted phrases depending upon the mood. I caught myself one morning almost saying her nickname “pumpkin” which could have been mortifying and had a reverse (okay, negative) effect on all the hard work and studying from the night prior—that would have been bad.

Countdown time for sure—time for every parent to be a cheerleader in the final seconds as we all sprint to summer. In a week, it’ll be a race to see who can hit the snooze alarm the fastest. Wait, maybe the alarm clock needs a break too…

Senior Prank and Skip

2009-05-21T06:00:00.000-06:00

At some point in every parent’s life you find yourself making some crucial decisions in your parent-teen relationship. You might say that’s an everyday experience and you’d be right. But what I’m really talking about are those situations where you’re not really sure if you want to divulge that maybe you were once in the same situation they find themselves in right now too.

And, that’s not always bad. Often times you can use your own experience or the situation as kind of a “teaching” situation. You know, “back when I was a teen” and it might help create a little dialogue between you and your teen—kind of a bonding moment.

But I had to smile at a recent moment of disbelief for my teen, when she found out that her mom knew what a senior prank was. She was telling me about a recent situation at her high school, some prank she heard about at lunch that was discovered earlier in the day. “You know about senior pranks mom?” Of course I launched into the “I’m not that old” speech but then quickly diverted the conversation by saying, “Ask your Uncle about HIS class’ prank.”

And since we were really opening up about this topic of senioritis, she whispered that she thinks the prank occurred on… senior skip day (ssshhhhh). I put my arm around her and told her their secret was safe with me. Then I asked her what she thought about skipping out with me after her practice and heading to Starbucks. I assured her it was okay. We’d only be missing the 5pm work traffic, and I’d have time to divert the conversation to what homework she had that night.

The Good in Athletics

2009-05-12T05:57:00.000-06:00

My husband and I were both D-1 collegiate volleyball players. So, let’s say athletics and competition runs deep in our veins—we love sports and we hoped our daughter would too.

But as much as we love sports, sometimes there’s an ugly side to sports too. We read, hear and sometimes even witness stories about parents on the sidelines, over-involved parents, “extreme” coaching (is that a sport too?), and young athletes who might be watching a little too many professional games and athletes on TV, behavior and news headlines that makes you wonder, “Where’s the good in sports.”

Our family’s recent Cinderella Sports Story includes our own teenager’s high school golf team. Here’s a team of mostly springtime-only golfers, all great kids, and one enthused coach. Here’s a program where a couple years ago the coach had to go to the basketball team and see if any of them wanted to try golf once basketball ended. Fast forward three years, led by one senior and one freshman, these girls swept many of their in-season matches. Our digital cameras snapped photos of smiling girls with their index finger showing “We’re #1.”

Then the unlikely came, the District Championships, which our team won. The prize for winning District was a trip to the State Championship. For the first time in 16 years, this high school was sending a girls team to State.

Cinderella story for sure—a good sports story. And no matter what happens at State, this group of golfing girls will be wearing tiaras, and cleats.

Teen Photos on the Fridge

2009-04-27T14:20:00.001-06:00

The other day I was hanging on the refrigerator door starring absentmindedly inside, contemplating what I wanted to eat. Hmmm, guess I can’t nag my teenage daughter for ever doing that! While I was sighing (nothing appealed to me), I began to stare at all the photos on the fridge door, especially our teenage friends and relatives.

It just hit me looking at the photos we’ve collected, class photos, graduation photos, sports teams, and yes even the family Christmas card photos, how well these teens were all doing.

Despite the gloom and doom and negativity that surrounds us these days, there was a glimpse of good news and hope right here on my fridge door!

There was one friend who walked on to a D-I football program and is now looking at a possible starting position. And his brother, acing his college entrance exams and hitting homeruns on the field too. There’s a niece who has a column in her HS newspaper with a voice most syndicated bloggers would die to have, and her brother who got accepted to his #1 college pick and finished his Eagle Scout Award. There’s another nephew who is weighing his options as a walk-on with a football program, and his sister who headed out on her own after college to a new city and life, and is now designing national marketing campaigns. The photos and the lists go on.

I know there was the typical parent-teen angst behind the photos—concern, joy, bewilderment, anxiety, etc. Guess it’s just part of the journey because look how they’re finding their way, and doing well. Hmmm, heavy sigh.

Teens and Postcards

2009-04-22T06:30:00.001-06:00

One step forward two steps back for me in this ever-changing world of cyberspace, micro-blogging, social networking, and comparing “my world” to my teenager’s world.

Take for example our family’s recent vacation. Nice big trip, lots to see, historical sites, etc. So I diligently checked my address list for mailing postcards and even brought along 27 cent postcard stamps (which by the way are going up in May to 28 cents!). I was ready and looked forward to combing through the racks of postcards during our travels. After all, this is a tradition I’ve carried on since I was younger than my teenage daughter.

At night in our hotel room, I’d bug my daughter, “Have you written your postcards yet so we can drop them in the mail and then they’ll be postmarked from here?”

“Not yet mom, but my friends have already seen it.”

“What do you mean? I know they’ve never been here before.”

“Mom, I’ve already loaded my digital photos to my album on FaceBook, and I’ve already heard back from my girlfriends on how cool it looks here.”

Okay, a new twist on an old tradition. That’s okay, it meant I got more postcards then to write and send to family and old friends (maybe I’ll just link them to her page/album?). Nah, pass me those new-fangled, self-adhesive postage stamps!

Spring Break with Teens

2009-04-06T06:43:00.001-06:00

No more spring break vacations basking in the sunshine for our family right now. Spring break=college visits and tours for us and our teen.

I’m a long time fan of spring break. Growing up in southern California, you’d find our family camping down in Baja Mexico, playing in the surf, going on grunion runs, driving dune buggies, endless hours basking in the sun (SPF wasn’t really an acronym we were conscious of back then), and more.

So it was an easy transition for me to the spring breaks of my own high school years, even after our family moved to Maryland. Trips now included the Carolinas, and that trip that every parent of a teenager dreads: The senior class trip to Florida. Actually, that “rite of passage” trip was pretty uneventful. I had more fun on other spring break trips to the beach.

No more spring break vacations basking in the sunshine for our family right now. Spring break=college visit s and tours for us and our teen. Our attractions will include walking campuses, touring dining halls, meeting students, checking out campus life, and shopping includes trips to the college book store.

This year’s spring break we toured the University of Richmond and William & Mary. We’ve also seen the University of Georgia, Virginia, Idaho, Arizona, Rolllins, and Arizona State, locally Boise State University, and more.

But it’s really fun visiting all these campuses --getting energy not so much from sunshine, but instead being powered by the talented co-eds and programs we’ve seen. Funny, all these years of traveling for fun as a teenager, now we’re traveling back in time with our teenager to see what might be the best four-year “trip” for her.

What’s spring break like for you and your teen? Want to share any of your stories from spring break trips to colleges? Could use some help—spring break is only one week long!

Being a Snack Mom for Teens

2009-03-16T06:17:00.000-06:00

I was the consummate snack mom when my teenager was a little girl. I never left the house with my daughter without some sort of snack(s) in my bag. You name it, crackers, string cheese, Goldfish® Snack Crackers, Cheerios® cereal, and of course, some sort of juice or water bottle too. And just in case we joined up with another mom and friend, or hey, were with a child we didn’t know, I made sure that I would have enough to share too.

Funny, but I actually thought that being a “snack mom” was just a title we wore when our kids were young. For some unknown reason, I thought I’d relinquish that tiara for I don’t know what, being just a chauffeuring mom, a nagging mom, a computer time-monitor mom, or something “more grown up,” you know, like our teenagers?

Until her first high school golf tournament when another golfer’s mom said, “I’ll handle snacks for the team’s first tournament. Who can do the next one?” Snacks, parent sign ups, I was ready and eager. As usual, I stressed over it (much to my husband and teen’s amusement). Did I have a decent ratio of quick snacks, to a little sugar, to salty crackers (but not too much), did I check for any peanut allergies, would something with chocolate melt, and did I have too many wrappers (aka trash) for the girls? Of course, then there was the decorating of the snack bag and the high school logo on the water bottle labels to motivate them…

The biggest difference I’ve found from being a snack mom for young children versus now, now they can (and do) express their sincere appreciation and thanks. It’s nice to still be needed. And just in case, I made two extra snack bags for the tournament—maybe one of the competitors would need a snack too.

Paying for College

2009-03-09T06:55:00.002-06:00

Paying for or helping pay for our teenager’s college education has always been in the back of our minds. It didn’t take the current upheaval in today’s economy for the topic to shift to a top priority or concern for our family.

Someone on my staff came across a book on paying for college, and the discussion about the book and how we were all going to help our teens, monopolized a recent staff meeting. She used so many Post-It Notes® within the book’s pages that she said she was going to just order a copy of the book. “Order one for me too,” I told her.

Well, the book arrived and my husband took it to work to read during breaks and lunch. He sent me a text message that day, “GREAT book!” I haven’t even had a chance to look at it yet, but so far the book is receiving rave reviews. Here it is, “The Princeton Review, Paying for College Without Going Broke,” 2009 Edition. http://www.princetonreview.com/.

Do you have any resources, websites, or advice on helping pay for college that you can share? Higher costs for higher education—we’re still going to make the investment for our teen; I’m sure you are too. And I’m sure we’d all like to save a little money too!

Piano Recitals

2009-03-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

A friend asked me what I was doing over the weekend. “I’m going to a piano concert.” I could see that I had dazzled her with my music appreciation and love of the arts. “Who’s performing?” “The one and only, my teenage daughter—it’s her Festival of Music Concert.”

The Festival is the accumulation of weeks and weeks of practicing a concerto piece by Hayden and a Sonatina, and more. And the real kicker, it’s not her love of playing the piano and her wonderful relationship with her piano teacher; it’s that she’s excited to play in these piano recitals!

This obviously skipped a gene in our family. I grew up associating piano recitals with words like “drudgery,” “painful,” “anxiety-ridden,” and the duets that I performed with my older brother, let just say they weren’t our finest moments as siblings. We could hardly last a long trip sitting next to each other in the car (imagine no DVDs to watch or Nintendo DS® games to play!), so maybe sitting next to each other on the piano bench, playing memorized pieces in front of an audience on a Baby Grand wasn’t one of one of parents’ best decisions.

But I think for our teenager, it has been one of our better parenting decisions—exposing her to music, the arts, dance, plays, and anything on a stage. And, it’s great entertainment for us, these piano concerts and recitals. Maybe I’ll record her next recital and send it to my brother. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.

High School Decisions

2009-02-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks back, it was pretty stressful for us. Our daughter had to register for her sophomore classes. Who knew that these high school years, her classes, and schedule would be so important, and have such an impact on her future?!

It all came to a head when our daughter wanted to sign up for an advanced class that her teacher recommended her for. We went a couple rounds, offered parental advice, reasoning, had her get some questions and concerns answered by the teacher(s), etc. The clock was ticking—registration deadline was looming.

Then we confronted the elephant in the room, “What if it’s too much and you don’t do well?” “What if the accelerated classes actually ‘hurt’ your chances of getting into a good college?”

See anything a little ironic with that argument? She’s passionate about a challenging class and we’re worried about her doing well in high school, thinking ahead to college admissions.

Ironic isn’t it. Why would we ever want to limit our teenager’s passion for learning, for being challenged, for trying new things? For what, a letter grade, a higher percentage? So they can wait to be challenged later in college, with their first job, when they’re on their own?

We made the deadline. She signed up for the classes she wanted, all of them. And we’ll be there supporting her in any way that we can. But I warned her, if she has questions in this class, she’ll have to ask her father….

Does every family go through this traumatic experience, every year of high school registration? Let me know so I can get ready for next year!

Special Memories from Olympics

2009-02-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

Boise hosted the 2009 Special Olympics World Winter Games, Feb. 7-13. We were out of town and missed some events and festivities. But, I was determined to make it to at least one venue with my teenager. READ MORE

Everyone told me that it’d be a memorable experience—one you wouldn’t want to miss. The last day we went to the speedskating finals at Idaho IceWorld (www.idahoiceworld.com), and my teenage daughter brought a friend with her.

While we were there, we didn’t even think about complaining over the fact that we had to stand the entire time—it was standing room only at the rink. My daughter shared a couple greetings in German with a skater, who gave me an affectionate hug and a kiss on my hand. We kept our eye out for someone from France for her friend to greet as well.

Mark, another skater with the U.S.A. Team proudly showed us his medals, and told us that back home in Wisconsin he’s been on the news a lot. I told him that he’d really be smiling for the camera now when he returned with his medals. “I always smile,” he said.

Then I was trounced in an arm wrestling match after accepting an offer from a pixie-size Russian skater. I gave her a thumbs-up for “good job,” hoping she’d understand. The Idaho State trooper who had been there all week told me the peace sign was popular too.

I was proud of Boise, of Idaho, of the 2009 Games (www.2009worldgames.org), and of all the athletes who participated. In that one day we saw athletes of all ages doing their very best, exchanged hugs and smiles when words were few, and cheered for athletes from around the globe. During these Games, all ages celebrated the joys, dreams, and hopes for the future.

Music Band Names

2009-02-05T12:46:00.003-07:00

You know those times when you find yourself thinking, “I wonder what my parents thought when they were raising me and my teenage brothers….” This topic could cover so many issues and situations, but let’s talk about “music.”

Beyond the actual music we listened to (and doesn’t every generation say at least once, “Turn off that noise!”), I’m talking about band members, band names. I’m quickly thinking back to Led Zeppelin, Peter Frampton, The Who, The Doors, Elton John, Kiss, Rolling Stones, The Boss (think recent Super Bowl half time shows maybe), and the list goes on.

So I had to laugh when I asked my teenager who we were listening to in the car (no ear buds—I want to hear too). “Mom, the group is called ‘All American Rejects.’” Okay, so I start in, “Rejects, who names a band ‘Rejects’? Didn’t their parents like them? Do they have low self-esteem? Is this like the Bratz dolls you wanted when you were little and we wouldn’t buy them?” On and on I went.

“Mom, it’s just the name of the band, no big deal.” Okay, she was right, no big deal. But I’m not sure they’ll be the headliner band at a future football half time show though.

But my daughter knows I’m not a total music prude. I totally agree with my friend Sue who recently said, “Some music is just meant to be cranked up!” Sorry kid, I think she meant “our” music.

But the people to ask about music, is a shop in downtown Boise, The Record Exchange, www.therecordexchange.com – a classic too.

Nephew at the Inauguration

2009-01-28T13:23:00.002-07:00

My 17-year-old nephew from California was in Washington D.C. for now-President Barack Obama’s inauguration. I was excited for my nephew on many levels—one being that he was returning to my old stomping grounds. I was eager to impart my sage advice before he left.

“Don’t pack your flip-flops (it could be record cold and snowing).” “Did you pick up any of the hand warmers for your hands and feet—you’ll be standing for a long time on the 20th.” “Do you have cash to buy something hot to drink on the Mall Grounds?” “Stay with your school group,” and “Have you made your ‘Hi Auntie’ sign yet for the television cameras?

Poor guy—almost to college and his Aunt is asking if he packed extra socks. Deep inside, I don’t think he minded the extra attention and concern. And fortunately as his Aunt, I don’t think he perceives it as nagging, so it’s a nice role for me.

He had a great time with his new 1.5 million friends; went to a concert, party, visited monuments and Arlington Cemetery, and he cheered on Inauguration Day. He couldn’t vote in this election, but in four years he’ll have his first opportunity to participate in the election process.

But there’s a lot he and his teenage friends can do now—that we can all do now. Former Secretary of State, General Colin Powell’s interview that day talked about service, service to our communities, neighbors, and country. Go to http://www.usaservice.org/ and check out opportunities to “Renew America Together.”

I worked on Capitol Hill for two years at C-SPAN (http://www.c-span.org/) and in 1998 met General Powell in Boise, Idaho with America’s Promise (http://www.americaspromise.org/). As I watched and listened on Inauguration Day, I thought how fortunate my teenage nephew is, to be blessed with so many great experiences and opportunities thus far in his life.

When I worked in D.C. in the ‘80s I walked around in my power navy blue suit, tennis shoes and socks—the young executive look. But I have a feeling 20 years later that flip flops can be just as effective in making a difference—but at least have some gloves okay!

Watch TV With Your Teen?

2009-01-05T05:33:00.002-07:00

We’re not a big TV-watching-family. Our reason for a big flat screen TV (the armoire to fit it in, the dual remotes etc.) is because we do like to watch college sports, and in Hi-def, we feel like we’re there! But the one show I’ll drop everything to watch with my teenage daughter is the “Gilmore Girls.”

You could say she and are Gilmore late bloomers—we never saw an episode when it first began airing years ago. But we quickly made up lost time thanks to last year’s Valentine’s Day gift from my husband/Dad to us—the complete “Gilmore Girls” series—all seven seasons. Armed with munchies and our blankets, we’d claim it “Gilmore Night!” and become engrossed in the lives of Lorelai and her daughter Rory and everyone in Stars Hollow.

Maybe it’s the whole mother-daughter thing that makes the show so endearing to us. Maybe it’s the clever writing and the witty and quick banter. Maybe it’s the relevant topics or memorable references. I mean how many television programs can boast a complementary (and necessary) guide like “Gilmoreisms” to go with their series?

The only thing my friends said to me beforehand (after being shocked that I hadn’t seen it yet) was, “Watch it together because there’s so much you can share and discuss.” And as usual, my girlfriends were correct.

Even now when we watch episodes for a second time, when we KNOW what’s going to happen, we’ll interrupt them to discuss our experiences and our own thoughts about relationships, choices, cliques, friendships, communication, family, consequences, boys, school, and so much more! If watching a TV program helps open the dialogue between teens and their parents about those kinds of topics and issues then I say the series deserves a 5-Popcorn Bag Rating!

Or in the lives of the “Gilmore Girls” that’d be: four large pizzas, cartons of Chinese food, double scoop ice cream cones, Pop Tarts, pie, stacks of pancakes, and mugs of coffee!

What TV shows do you watch with your teen? Share and maybe it’ll be something we can add to our queue too.

New Blogger Deemed "Cool!"

2008-12-12T05:30:00.003-07:00

I was an early naysayer about the whole blogging thing. I often referred to blogs as “yada, yada,” “blah, blah.”

But as this word-of-mouth, virtual sharing grew, I realized that I needed to get on the bandwagon and embrace this new form of communication.

I asked my teenage-ear bud-lap top-emailing-digital daughter what she thought about her old mom blogging. “Cool mom” was her response. That was all I needed—sign me up and someone teach me what I need to do!

My day job for the last 15 years has been a small business owner, managing and building Family Magazine & Media Inc. We publish Treasure Valley Family Magazine, Treasure Valley Family Resources, and Treasure Valley Baby. Events include our Summer Camp & Activities Fair and Cover Kids Search, and websites include http://www.treasurevalleyfamily.com/ and http://www.treasurevalleyteen.com/. And like most of you, I also try to fit in being a spouse, a mom, a volunteer; I try to workout, see friends, and referee the play of one 65-lb. German shepherd and two cats.

Now I know from years of being an editor of a parenting magazine that it’s NOT about me being my daughter’s BFF (Best Friend Forever). I’m the parent, need to parent, and act (well, most the time) like a parent. But secretly, if she thinks her mom can still learn a thing or two, is sometimes cool, and she respects what I’m doing, then I’ll work hard to overcome my techno-fear and embrace her new world of hi-tech communication!

Since this mom is still-in-training, I’m looking forward to talking and sharing with my new BVFF (Best Virtual Friend Forever). I hope that this blog or “social network” becomes an important and resourceful exchange, a “parenting network.”

There are days I long for naptime (my daughter’s or mine?), diapers, and preschool days. But the current leg of my parenting journey includes making sure bedtime isn’t too late, the jeans and tops aren’t too revealing, and navigating high school and exploring opportunities for her college education.

Okay, I’m done writing for now, blah, blah, blah, and it’s your turn now to blog, blog, blog. Done anything lately that’s elevated you in your teenager’s eyes to “cool” status? Share and let us know. I’m still-in-training!

Liz Buckingham
Publisher
Family Magazine & Media Inc.